“I WILL NOT SUBMIT”: The John Doe Manifesto by Michelle Malkin


Reading Michelle Malkin’s latest column, “The John Doe Manifesto”, reminded me of a time in my life that I had probably already become a conservative, but hadn’t yet realized it.

In April 2000, just in time for the NHL playoffs, Molson launched the “Joe’s Rant” commercial – a thinly-disguised anti-American Nuremberg-style war cry that became a sensation from coast-to-coast. I hated it from day one. For the record, here’s “Joe’s Rant”, which still has fan sites around the net:

Hey, I’m not a lumberjack, or a fur trader….
I don’t live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled….
and I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I’m certain they’re really really nice.I have a Prime Minister, not a president.
I speak English and French, not American.
And I pronounce it ‘about’, not ‘a boot’.I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, not policing,
diversity, not assimilation,
and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch,
and it is pronounced ‘zed’ not ‘zee’, ‘zed’ !!!!Canada is the second largest landmass!
The first nation of hockey!
and the best part of North AmericaMy name is Joe!!
And I am Canadian!!!

It is negative, sophomoric, and completely unfunny. Yet by pandering to Canadians’ smug sense of superiority, and exploiting our underlying insecurity of being weaker and lamer than our neighbours to the south, it became a hit beyond anyone’s wildest imagination.I was an apolitical, self-absorbed 28-year-old entrepreneur at the time, but I knew instinctively that “Joe”‘s Canada was not a positive place to live, and not where I thought we should be. Defining yourself in the negative makes you an empty shell of grievance and bitterness.

While 9/11 brought on my true political awakening, the rest of the year 2000 continued to set the stage. That fall, I supported the Canadian Alliance in the November federal election, which put me in a distinct minority in uptown Toronto. That same month, I discovered Fox News on my grey-market satellite dish, and learned, to my great shock, that some people actually disliked President Clinton! (I am ashamed to say that, aside from the basic narrative of the tawdry situation, I had little idea of what was going on during the Lewinsky fiasco.) Which brings me back to Michelle Malkin, who happened to be one of the first bloggers I ever read regularly (starting in 2004, I believe). Michelle’s column presents the “John Doe Manifesto”, a bull-headed venting of frustration against the Islamic fanatics among us who are actively fighting the Jihad here in North America through our media, universities, politicians, and courts:

Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,

You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.I am John Doe. I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift.I am your neighbor. I am your customer. I am your classmate. I am your boss.

I am John Doe.

I will never forget the example of the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93 who refused to sit back on 9/11 and let themselves be murdered in the name of Islam without a fight.

I will never forget the passengers and crew members who tackled al Qaeda shoe-bomber Richard Reid on American Airlines Flight 63 before he had a chance to blow up the plane over the Atlantic Ocean.

I will never forget the alertness of actor James Woods, who notified a stewardess that several Arab men sitting in his first-class cabin on an August 2001 flight were behaving strangely. The men turned out to be 9/11 hijackers on a test run.

I will act when homeland security officials ask me to “report suspicious activity.”

I will embrace my local police department’s admonition: “If you see something, say something.”

I am John Doe.

I will protest your Jew-hating, America-bashing “scholars.”

I will petition against your hate-mongering mosque leaders.

I will raise my voice against your subjugation of women and religious minorities.

I will challenge your attempts to indoctrinate my children in our schools.

I will combat your violent propaganda on the Internet.

I am John Doe.

I will support law enforcement initiatives to spy on your operatives, cut off your funding, and disrupt your murderous conspiracies.

I will oppose all attempts to undermine our borders and immigration laws.

I will resist the imposition of sharia principles and sharia law in my taxi cab, my restaurant, my community pool, the halls of Congress, our national monuments, the radio and television airwaves, and all public spaces.

I will not be censored in the name of tolerance.

I will not be cowed by your Beltway lobbying groups in moderate clothing. I will not cringe when you shriek about “profiling” or “Islamophobia.”

I will put my family’s safety above sensitivity. I will put my country above multiculturalism.

I will not submit to your will. I will not be intimidated.

I am John Doe.

Now this is a manifesto I can get behind. The worldwide Jihad is a true threat to me, my wife, my son, my family, and everyone who dreams of a day when old-world tribalism is forever replaced with the universal values, freedoms, rights, and responsibilities granted by God. In this war, we will certainly win when we follow Michelle’s lead, and learn how to stand up to the bullies. Discard the xenophobic “I Am Canadian”, and let this be your mantra:

I will not submit to your will. I will not be intimidated.



Filed under Anti-Americanism, Terror in our Midst

5 responses to ““I WILL NOT SUBMIT”: The John Doe Manifesto by Michelle Malkin

  1. philanthropist

    Good. Canadian anti-Americanism is usually so juvenile it’s pathetic and embarrassing.

  2. emil

    I remember well that Molson commercial. I was slightly amused initially, and thought it was clever to use nationalism as a selling device for beer. I became confused when I noticed the media hoopla and the actual pride lots of ordinary people took in a 30 sec commercial. At that point it started to look silly to me, I had assumed that Canadians were a lot like Americans. I realized that I knew little about the true nature of my adopted country. As an immigrant from Eastern Europe (I came to Canada in ’95) I found it hard to fathom what ‘canadian-ness’ is about, and at some point I stopped thinking about that. The aftermath of the Molson commercial reminded me of my earlier puzzle and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I concluded that a people who cannot define itself other than by reference to another people must be a crippled people. I had thought I was part of a proud, freedom loving nation. Instead, I discovered I had joined a population pretending to be a nation. I live in Toronto, work, pay my taxes and obey the law, but I don’t call myself a Canadian. I am not a wimp.

  3. Terry from Baltimore

    I never saw this commercial, but you turned me off to Molson.

  4. Johnnyb

    Screw both the Muslims and the Jews. Deport them all and we will be much happier.

    Placing the interest of Jews above the interests of Americans is contrary to the concept of government BY THE PEOPLE and FOR THE PEOPLE. Zionist Neocons got us into the mess that we are in, and are the reason that we got hit on 9/11.

    Neocons ruined the party and ruined America. Such Neocon propaganda should be rejected out of hand.

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